elengrey.com > ten things

When I was 13, I was in love with the men from the MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum) was my first love. No man could wear a black turtleneck better than Illya. And, of course, there was that yummy accent. Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn) was my second. Who couldn't go extreme mush over someone named Illya Kuryakin or Napoleon Solo? They were my first true loves.
My favorite job was working the penny candy counter of the corner cigar store when I was 14. When I became a trusted employee, I occasionally got to work the big register where they sold, among other things, condoms from a wall safe behind the counter. Everything I learned about life, I learned from working the penny candy counter.
I always imagined myself a Bob Fosse dancer. I've come to learn that some things are better left to the imagination. Now I'm krumping vicariously through So You Think You Can Dance. http://www.fox.com/dance/
I come from a family of sleepwalkers. Enough said.
My first real everything was also the man who pierced my ears. It was a sultry summer night in Chicago during my 19th year. I remember we were both wearing the cut-off jeans with frayed hems so popular at the time. His hung low on the hip. My blond curls were pinned to the top of my head. I digress. It was one of my impulsive moments. “Baby, pierce my ears,” I said. Like a true action hero, he sterilized a needle, shoved the blunt end in a cork and got ready to pop my ear a good one. Just as he made the first jab, the cat jumped on my leg and I let out a milk-curdling scream. Hitchcock couldn't have done it better. Like all great romances, there was a happily-ever-after. The cat lived to see another day, and I had perfectly pierced ears.
When I moved from a third-floor walk-up apartment to the first floor, I was mistaken for a hooker. Yep. A suit came to the back door, yanked out his wallet and offered me the green stuff. Thinking of my southern mama who taught me never to take money from strangers, I slammed the door, drove the bolt home and called my friendly neighborhood man in blue. Again, it was my 19th year. Was that a year, or what? While he was asking questions and making notes in his little black notebook, my cat was winding herself in and out of his legs. I sat entranced like a patient in a session with Mesmer. When he snapped his book shut, my head shot up. "I'm gonna check with the other female tenants in the building, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened."

I was all ears and strung-out nerves. "Don't keep me in suspense."

"The lady you sublet this apartment from was a hooker."

My eyes must of grown bigger than his handcuffs, because he went on to reassure me that the suit would not likely be back. In fact, I'd probably scared him more than he scared me. Yeah. Right! Word would get out. Hunh. After he left, I always wondered how hunky cop knew she was a hooker. He was right. I didn't get anymore Johns.... I mean....visitors. I guess everything I learned about life, I didn't learn from working the penny candy counter. New rule: Never sublet from a hooker.
When I was 10, I fainted when my sister burst a blister on my finger with a needle. I dreamt that I was falling out of a black coach lined in red velvet. They say you don't dream when you faint. They lie.
My sweetie and I had exactly eight dates before we married. I'm still learning about him. I sent him a contract of renewal every year on our anniversary for fifteen years. The first twelve days of married life were pretty harried. Packing after the big HM to move to a new state, he ran over my stereo in the driveway...with my own car. I kept him anyway. Two days later, he locked the keys of my car in the trunk. He and his university brothers decided to pick the lock with a CROWBAR. Group think. See Elen doing that little eye-roll thingie. I kept him anyway. He was still under warranty.
The only thing I learned in Girl Scout camp was how to float on my back. It took two weeks! Oh... and, bugs are bigger in the woods.
I have agricultural roots, but grew up to be a city girl; which just means I consider both crickets and sirens white noise.